enough with the roller coaster ride - i've been so up and down i feel like throwing up! i think things might be starting to shift a bit though, despite my wanting to crawl into a cave and never speak to another human being again for as long as i live, people insist on talking to me, and i end up feeling better for it. yesterday it was teaching and then dog training, and then today it was meetings, and seminars and having our photo taken for the uni website re: The Book. i will post the link when it shows up.
in my previous post i may have mentioned that i got asked to leave my office, and that this contributed to my general malaise. well, i said i would but they would need to find me somewhere else because i have lots of work to do and this practice of hiring people to teach but not giving them offices to sit in is just crap (they do it because most of us are also postgrads and hence have these little postgrad offices). but they wanted my postgrad office for someone who is actually a postgrad, as opposed to me, who am now nothing in particular.
so they gave me somewhere else. i thought it would be some scungy little corner in a shared office with other non-persons.
turns out its a proper staff office, big desk, filing cabinets, shelves, newer PC rather than the rather ancient mac with the perpetual spinning-wheel-of-death. nice view over the creek and lawns. moving out of my old office feels weird but having this big space all to myself has been rather invigorating. i have a book proposal, a lecture, a seminar paper and 80 essays to mark over the next few weeks so i have resolved to spend as much time as possible in this new space, and not give anyone the satisfaction of skulking away, but using the facilities and resources as much as i can while my future decides what it will be.
at the moment i am torn between applying for a little part time publications editor job at the maritime museum or a full on sociology lectureship. i think its this internal indecision about what i want now that has thrown me for such a loop. and the strange fact that after 5 years of being buried in books, i have not emerged like a butterfly from the chrysalis, but am still the same old me!
strange days indeed.
k xx
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4 comments:
Kylie, I bet you're wrong. Five years and all that effort is enough to change anyone!
I bet youre wrong too - even beyound the "dr" bit, youve learnt and endured so much that cant help but change you. In good ways.
Great that youve got a great new, freah, non-phd-memory-infused workspace! Run with it!
Sometimes you wait for an epiphany, only to realise that the change is more subtle, and longterm. Happy new Office though!!
Lovely - if they give you a good office they must want to keep you! (and if I do my PhD can I get you for my supervisor!!!!?????) I'm sure you have changed more than you realise, just, as 2paw say more subtle than you expected!
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