i am under threat to post something positive today by someone who took offence to my little vomit of negativity yesterday. not any of you, who made lovely understanding supportive comments. perhaps i was a bit harsh. but sometimes when you feel sick and you throw up you feel a bit better afterwards. so im going to try and be a bit of a pollyanna today, not purely because i have been threatened, but also because i am actually enjoying reading peoples happy christmas blogs (see for example quiltingmick and kuka), and maybe, just maybe, there are some good things going on as well.
firstly, lets be clear. i am by nature anti-social, except where knitting is concerned. i dont like groups, i get self-conscious and anxious and i just want to go sit in a corner and read. i was always always like this, as long as i can remember. at primary school i had my two best friends and that was it. i was happy that way. i am happy that way now. so enforced socialising like what happens at this time of year is really hard. secondly, i come with a whole heap of fucked up baggage about christmas and of course i know that i still tend to opt for pessimism and cynicism rather than have expectations dashed, yet again. i also know its possible to change that, and to have good experiences. i have had plenty of those too, and so far this year has not actually been BAD.
it has been nice to buy books for kids and to see them actually sit down and start reading. it has been nice to plan hand knitted gifts for some people, and i am actually looking forward to seeing my dad, really. i am making a conscious effort to try and improve our relationship, so it will be a step in the right direction.
i am, however, a little annoyed that i have not had time to do all the stuff i would really like to do, like make my own mince pies or my favourite ice cream pudding, or to actually FINISH hand knitted gifts for everyone. only some people are getting things and they wont even be finished! so maybe thats why i was a bit bah humbug yesterday (quiet down the back). perhaps next year if i plan a bit better it will be better all round.
and i am really looking forward to a daytrip to canberra this coming sunday where i will be very comfortable in a large group of knitters, eating cupcakes.
see, i can do pollyanna. sort of :)
k xx
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5 comments:
very pollyanna , well done. it gets so stressful to get through the list doesn't it?
Hey, don't go all Pollyanna on me! I was taking comfort from your grumbling! ;-)
dont worry bells, im still grumbling in private :)
Yum - cupcakes and knitting - what a great combo!
I'm always a bit mixed about christmas - although I love giving people presents (not cars and diamonds though!) I love the challenge of trying to find just the right thing for a person - and yes I do run with themes sometimes
And I love the smell of christmas things (champagne, barbeques and spices) Pollyanna here!
There never seems to be enough time for all the Christmas knitting, does there? Not to mention all the other Christmas things! And yet we all end up stressing out over it (myself included). You think we'd learn by now.
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